Barnabas Monkeypants

About 15 years ago, I watched a documentary on PBS about… something. I don’t really remember what they were analyzing, but I think it had something to do with the Cold War. (See how much I pay attention.) What I do remember about the show was there was a discussion among several suburban housewives talking about their perception of the world, its dangers, etc., and they were yammering on about Russia and those dirty communists, when one woman piped in with this pithy, two-word comment:

“Red China!”

And they all parroted her: “Red China!” “Red China!” “Red China!” (In my memory they all that had really strong Minnesota accent.)

Well, my friend Ryan and I thought that was possibly the funniest thing ever, and it became something of a catch phrase for us. Anything wrong with the world — rising gas prices, lousy traffic, bruised produce — was answered with a resounding “Red China!” Any woman over the age of 45 (we were 20, what do you want?) was also “Red China!” (Look, we weren’t the cleverest of people, so get off my back.)

I’ve tried this out with Kristen and my friends in Chicago, but all I ever get is a blank stare.

Now I have nothing against the Chinese as a people. They put on a mean Olympics and their food is top notch. I am, however, completely worried about their shoddy exports, laden with crazy poisons and slip shod workmanship, especially now that there is someone in our house that is starting to put everything into his mouth (poisons and all).

As such, Kristen and I have really tried to stay away from toys that are made in China. The corruption in Chinese manufacturing is legendary, with proper ingredients being replaced with tainted ones (remember all of those animals getting sick? remember the bad medicine? I do), and the working conditions are some of the worst in the world. Add to that the very real possibility of MSG being sprinkled on a stuffed animal, and well… it’s just too scary for words.

(A side note: One of the biggest shams in modern medicine is the idea that people are allergic to MSG, what is commonly knows as the “Chinese restaurant syndrome” [really, that's what it's called]. In a recent metaanalysis from the past 40 years of published articles on MSG, the authors found that “despite a widespread belief that MSG can elicit a headache, among other symptoms, there are no consistent clinical data to support this claim. Findings from the literature indicate that there is no consistent evidence to suggest that individuals may be uniquely sensitive to MSG.” So extra MSG it is!)

The problem with buying toys that aren’t made in China is that a) they’re difficult to come by and b) they’re more expensive. So while you can drop in at Target and buy the latest Fisher Price doodad, to get something made in the U.S. or Europe means going to a specialty toy store (which we have several of in Chicago) or the internet.

The benefit of paying the extra money is, of course, they’re safer, but I’ve also found that the toys are much, much cooler. So many American-designed (and China-made) toys, seem that they’re there to entertain the child but without any real interaction. I mean, so many have the kid press a button and a song is played. Oooooookay. What is that, exactly? Is it a toy? Isn’t a toy something that a child actually moves around (or manipulates or something)? American toys move when you push a button. European toys move when the child moves them.

Am I acting crazy again?

Anyway, Kristen discovered a great company, Moolka, that sells European-designed/manufactured toys, and so many of them are out of this world wonderful. You want a stacking toy? How about a chicken stacking toy? You want blocks? How about the coolest looking blocks ever? We’ve gotten Henry a couple of things, and Kristen has set up a wish list for us to check off things to buy him when we have an extra $20 (or $30 or $120) sitting around.

Pretty cool, eh? And no headache.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 21st, 2008 at 5:53 pm and is filed under Barnabas, Worry. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.