Second Class
Now, as you all know, I love Henry. I adore him. I can’t wait to get him out of his crib in the morning (yes, we’re still in the crib…), and I love playing with him and eating with him and reading to him. He has made my life better than I could have ever expected.
He has always favored Kristen over me, and I can certainly understand this. She’s “mommy”. She’s loving and caring and smells a lot better than I do.
But, of late, it’s gotten worse. I am no longer an acceptable giver of hugs and comfort when he’s crying. When he wakes up at two in the morning because he’s had a bad dream, I cannot calm him down. When he’s in a bad mood (which, of late, has been more often), I cannot make him happy. Only Kristen.
This past weekend was the worst. On Friday night, a grumpy Henry joined Kristen, me, and our friend Amanda out for dinner. Twenty minutes in, however, I was carrying a screaming toddler out of the restaurant and driving home. (We get to see Amanda only every 3 years, so I wanted Kristen to at least enjoy her company.) He was belligerent and ornery and wanted only to sit on Kristen’s lap (whilst squirming like a greased weasel). And as I was strapping him into the car seat (oh, the joy), there was nothing I could do to calm him down.
On Sunday, we had planned another outing, this as a thank-you to our friends Kyle and Meghan (and daughter Vivi) who have been more than nice to us this past few weeks. That never happened, as we were never able to get pants (or underpants or even a diaper) on Henry. I can only imagine what Meghan heard on the voice mail as Kristen was apologizing for canceling at the last minute — the shrieks and wails from Henry were legendary.
And through all this, I’m not good enough.
When it’s just the two of us, it’s okay. (I try to have at least one daddy-Henry outing each weekend.) On Wednesday, I took a day off and went to the Museum of Science and Industry (oh, the trains!) with Henry, and all was great. The minute Kristen walked through the door, however, I was tossed to the side like yesterday’s news.
And while it seems like I’m being funny about this, it’s really starting to get to me. It breaks my heart when he runs to Kristen instead of me or when I can’t console him after he gets upset. Yesterday I was really upset, noticeably so. It’s very frustrating and makes parenting not at easy.
Sigh.
March 14th, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Raphe… it’s not easy being the father… I speak from my own expierence. Mom was the one they always ran to when they were troubled or hurt. It’ll take perserviernce showing you’re not to be overlooked… It’s not until the tweens (5-12 pre-teen) where they learn that you are a family leader and they’ll want to learn from you too.
Father’s don’t have an easy role… just keep at it and don’t give up. He may not currently be willing to show it, but he does love you very much too.
March 18th, 2011 at 5:29 am
Raphe, you are such a _great_ dad. It’s no surprise that you are taken for granted. Give him time and he’ll come around.
March 18th, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Oh Raphe- you are a wonderful father!! Vivi does the same thing with Kyle… can hardly do a thing with her when I am around. Its a phase that they definitely outgrow, and there have been times when Vivi doesn’t want me either… so those are days are coming- I promise! We did spend some time talking about “Daddy Cheli” (as Henry called you) during those days we watched him, which was so cute!
March 21st, 2011 at 7:18 pm
My husband was the golden parent for a really looooooong time. It will pass but I too was frustrated many times.